Due to my inability to maintain a healthy work/life balance – I have found myself absent from far too many of the later half of 2018’s HNR broadcasts – an issue I have pledged to alleviate in 2019, Anyway – one of the episodes I was unable to partake in was the coveted “Worst Of” episode – always one of the most fun of the year.
With all that being said – I didn’t sit through the dreck that 2018 had to offer just to have my chance to voice my opinion taken from me so – with that in mind – I present to you my Worst 10 of 2018 – I have a feeling I’m likely to piss a few of you off but – that’s never stopped me in the past so, let’s get into this.
10. MANDY – Yeah, let’s just start off with the one that is most likely to piss off most of you. I know I’m not alone with this thought but – what the hell was that? Wow, I really do not see, in any way, shape or form what all the fuss was about with this slow, confusing, mess of a film. Not to take away anything from Nick Cage’s crazy performance but it was in no way even close to being enough to save this fever dream of crap. Watched it a few times thinking maybe I was missing something but the only thing I’m missing is the time I’ll never get back sitting through this thing not once but twice.
9. The Predator – Man, I really wanted to like this one, I really did and part of me kind of does I guess but when I really think about it – this one is probably my biggest disappointment of the year. So much potential just thrown away for cheap laughs and moments of “so, so” gore. In a year of so many great films and so many surprises from other revived franchises, this just ends up being another film that is just a mess story structure wise that wants to rely on performances from some A-list talent who just can’t find any meat on the script they were given to work with. The very definition of a money grab – this one needs shot back into space.
8. Slenderman – What the hell did I just watch? Honestly don’t even know what to say about this one. What a waste of a great story idea. Maybe someday someone will give this creation the film it deserves – it sure the hell isn’t this one.
7. The Nun – If The Predator is my biggest disappointment of the year – The Nun comes in a very close second. The massive hype and huge fan swell give us all high hopes but when all was said and done – the scary Nun serves the horror community better as a spooky painting. It certainly felt like there was no reason for a feature-length trek into how and why The Nun came to be. Let’s pray the filmmakers feel the same way and she goes back to being a side note instead of the main focus of whatever chapter comes next.
6. The First Purge – Once again – another franchise that needs to stop. I swear if they announce The Purge In Space – I’m going to turn in my horror lovers membership card. How many times do we have to suffer through the same damn storyline of “someone gets stuck outside during The Purge and has to fight for survival” storyline? Sure, they mix it up with different characters and scenarios but at the end of the day – it’s the same damn story over, and over, and over, and over again. Please stop buying and watching these so the genre can get past The Purge or I’m going to purge my dinner all over the floor.
5. Cloverfield Paradox – This one hurts me to have to put on this list. I loved the original Cloverfield and 10 Cloverfield Lane – I love the way that films have been put out basically unannounced and I’ve loved the marketing campaigns. When they announced that Cloverfield Paradox was going to make a surprise appearance immediately following the Super Bowl, I literally couldn’t sleep but once again – a poorly written storyline, messy script and complete lack of direction drives this franchise right into the ground. I hope that someday we get another chapter worthy of what was becoming some of the best world building in the genre. The only paradox hanging around right now is how the hell this one got made.
4. Unfriended: Dark Web – Have to love a film that uses a title that no one really understands what it is or means. The dreaded Dark Web – the seething underbelly of the cyber world where dark, evil folks hang out waiting for you to wander to their website so they can cyber murder you. This film attempts to play on that fear of the unknown cyber world and unfortunately ends up being more silly than scary. A sequel in name only – this franchise wanna be can feel free to unfriend me – I’ve got better things to do.
3. Susperia – Like Mandy – massive hype for very little or in my case, zero pay off. More art than horror – this modern retelling of the Argento original is all style and no substance – in my opinion. I should state that I never understood all the praise reaped on the original but given a choice – I’ll take Argento’s stylized boredom over this over produced crap. No thanks.
2. The Night Eats The World – This movie ate my will to live. The storyline has been done so many times before – and so much better – I really don’t understand why we had to see yet another take on the “you wake up to be one of – if not the only survivor of a zombie apocalypse” sub-genre. Very little to like here – the main character is boorish, withdrawn and incredibly uninteresting as is most of this film.
1. Day Of The Dead – Bloodline – This film is pure blasphemy. A plague against our eyeballs and common sense. The fact that these so-called filmmakers were allowed to buy this coveted George Romero property and crap all over it like this should be punishable with jail time. Not one single redeemable quality can be found here – well OK, maybe one. It is in focus.