This review contains spoilers. Well, Grue-believers, the finale of Scream Queens departed with a 2-part episode. The season overall is a winner for me with hilarious quips, great sarcasm, ingenious insults and just downright swell acting, directing and writing. With that being said, let’s jump in to see if the finale holds up.
I won’t keep you in suspense: IT DIDN’T! I was flipping Murphy’d! Lazy writing, ho-hum story-line and a resolution that is “meh” at best. On top of all, this we get only a little bit of Radness, about 2 minutes of the two hour finale. I’m not going to lie, I’m feeling jilted and that just saddens, nay, ANGERS me! I’m so disgusted by this and I’m ashamed of myself because I should have seen it coming. Murphy ropa-doped me.
Enough of my complaining, I will hit you with the “highlights”. Pete admits that he was in on the red devil killing spree but only because they were purging the Greeks; there are some hurt feelings on Pete’s end as he was rejected by the Dickey Dollar Scholars. We also find that he was also shamefully rejected by Chanel as she said her fantasy included a scene from Clan of the Cave Bears (a Daryl Hannah joint) only to make a jerk out of him in front of all the Kappas. He then decides to kill Boone (Nick Jonas) because he was the muscle and became out of control. Just as he is about to reveal the other killer to Grace, reds jumps from the closet and quickly dispatches him and KO’s Grace.
Chanel writes a missive over her whole ordeal in which she goes on an insult tirade including: fatty’s in bad shoes, liquid gold colonics for young sluts and ends it with a threat to chop off all the Kappa’s heads. This causes a tremendous amount of hate for her throughout the university. Chanel then decides to kill herself with an asp she ordered from Ali Express which turned out to be a gardener snake in a sweater. Just then reds busts in and proceeds to take a beating. Turns out it was just the pizza guy forced to wear the suit with a bomb strapped to him, makes sense; NOPE! About now my anger is stewing.
Chanel ends up going to “apologize” to Dorkus (the acid spray tan gal) but only to try and kill her because she thinks she is the other killer, Zayday and Grace stop her just in time. They found out that Hester falsified all her info in her college files. How you ask? Wes seduced Dean Munsch (Jamie Lee Curtis who is one of the only bright spots of the finale) while the girls browsed the files. Wes then ends up really falling for Munsch due to just having the most incredible sex of his life. By this time my anger is growing as it seems as though I am watching a PG-13 rated bad Scooby Doo movie and I’ve already seen 2 bad PG ones although they aren’t nearly as bad as this finale.
Chanel has another insult tirade by referring to Hester as Forrest Gump because who wears a neck brace in 2015. She then turns to no. 5 saying that her vagina teeth bit the tip off her tinder finger. Shortly after we find that Hester hatched an elaborate plan to frame no. 5 as the other murderer by stabbing herself in the eye with a stiletto heel. Ugh, this is atrocious.
We do get some funny when one of the Chanels is waxing about cool killer attire including Jason’s hockey mask, Freddy’s sweater and the guy who played Cujo, that dog costume was so realistic; I did laugh a little there.
The entire second half of the finale was Hester going through how she planned everything in back flashes from the time she and Boone were raised to be killers by Gigi in the mental institution to the present day. Denise and her male cops show up and Hester “recounts” everything for her by made up stories of the three remaining Chanels which causes them to turn on each other. Hester even payed off No. 5’s parents to say terrible things. We learn that she bites her toenails, talks in her sleep and farts into her cupped hand to smell; oh and that her parents think she is a frumpy monster. No. 3 is also set up due to her split personality known as Dirty Helen, being the daughter of Manson and that her inability to lay pipe and destroy the Kappa bathrooms was just a cover to kill. Finally Chanel was set up by Hester who dressed as her and was caught by cameras when she shopped at the home improvement store for all the murder weapons. Zayday chimed in with saying they all saw her burn Ms. Bean’s face off in the fryer.
We get a flashback to reveal why Grace and Zayday were not murdered. They were nice to Hester when she rushed Kappa and she was very happy about it stating that being nice could save your life some day. A warped positive message in an extremely warped show but it made some sense in an anti-bullying way. The Chanels get arrested and end up in court. As the jury is about to reveal the innocent verdict Chanel goes on an insult tirade stating that she is supposed to be tried by a jury of her peers but they are not skinny hot chicks, they are hippos. Well the jury changes their verdict to guilty sending the Chanels to the asylum. They actually end up enjoying the asylum; there are no boys to stay skinny for. No 3 goes “full lez” according to Chanel and she and No. 5 become best friends and she even starts a sorority there.
Chad and Denise break up and Chad promises not to bang anyone like he banged her. He then has a press conference about how all DDS party funds will go to charity. When asked which one he retorts “I don’t know, just charity.” Munsch write a self empowering women’s book (it was actually ghost written). She confronts Hester saying she knows the truth and Hester then reveals she knows about Dean murdering her ex-husband so they shake hands and agree to keep their mouths shut. We end the episode with Chanel lying in bed and as she hears a sound she opens her eyes to Reds standing above her. The End.
Well I still am not sure if we are going to get the same characters next year or if it will be the same actors in an entirely new story ala American Horror Story. All I can say is the finale was ALMOST as crappy as American Horror Story has become. Dorkus is directed by Beadley Buecker and written by Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk & Ian Brennan; The Final Girl(s) (great title but an insult to the movie with the same name) is directed by Brad Falchuck and written by Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk & Ian Brennan. Do you notice the trend? The crappy episodes are written by the Glee crew. Even if given to a competent director a turd is still a turd no matter how much you polish it.
Scream Queens Season 01 Episode 12 Dorkus and Episode 13 The Final Girl(s) (2 / 5) on the Thug Meter