Another episode of Scream Queens hits FOX and we are at episode four of this train wreck. Much like that crash that everyone slows down to “rubber neck,” I can’t look away. I’m not quite sure why. The sheer idiocy of the characters is entertaining on some level, Jamie Lee Curtis is superb as Dean Munch and I do like Oliver Hudson’s character Wes. I also like that I have no clue who the killers are (we’ve established that there is at least two). At this point, everyone is a suspect. Let’s take a walk through the haunted house that is episode four and see what treats the Glee crew has for us this week.
We start out with a YouTube style documentary about “Chaneloween.” Apparently, Halloween is her jam. During this spectacular holiday, Chanel sends Halloween themed presents and insulting cards to her more than 700 Instagram followers, most of which she describes as frumpy. The video show the girls opening their presents and reading their cards with squealing delight akin to Justin Bieber fans or as the kids call them “Beliebers” — yeah I went there. One lucky, frumpy fan even got a visit from Chanel herself.
After the intro, we pick up where last week left off where Dean Munch is being questioned by the police. They are being very casual because, apparently, Munch goes to police functions and brings some pretty awesome baked goods — maybe she brings other delights as well. Voicing their displeasure, Wes and Gigi are not happy with the so-called interrogation. Dean Munch looks at them and recounts exactly how she could have committed the crime in a whimsical way while she and the detective laugh it off. Okay, it was kind of funny. Another scene follows with Denise and Zayday, the former is still having the latter as the top suspect for the killer.
Pete and Grace show up at an old beat-up trailer in the middle of nowhere. They go to the door and, when the person answers, they say they are out “early trick or treating” as Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. I will say Grace greatly resembles Kate and Pete does a swell McConaughey impersonation. We find out this is Mandy’s home, she was one of the Kappa sisters present at the bathtub incident from the first episode. Pete and Grace are doing some sleuthing. Mandy recounts the night. Dean Munch (she was actually sorority relations back then) and Miss Bean were present and decided to get rid of the body. Miss Bean’s original idea was to make her into sausage and sell at the fair or feed to the Kappa girls. Mandy goes onto say how the girls were hooded, taken to an unknown spot and forced to bury the body as Munch stood by giving directions. The next bomb dropped was…drumroll please….the baby was a female!
Meanwhile, at the coffee shop, Zayday is with one of the DDS, Earl Grey (played by Lucien Laviscount), who wants to help her campaign to overthrow Chanel as president of Kappa. He also has a plan to overthrow Lloyd, I mean Chad, as president (that was a Dumb and Dumber reference in case you didn’t pick up what I was putting down). They plan to have a Halloween party. Back at the Kappa house, the Chanels are pumpkin-carving when someone quips that it is weird being in the area where Chanel killed Miss Bean. Chanel retorts that she didn’t kill her and that her fatness is out somewhere haunting campus. Okay, I did LOL here because that line is kind of funny. We get another Murphy-esque insulting line where Chanel says that Zayday thinks she can win because we live in the age of Obama. Hey, apparently it’s okay to say because it’s Ryan Murphy.
Back at the trailer, Mandy is watching The Leprechaun, “Reds” shows up and ends her stint on the show. At the local cemetery, Chad is walking around looking at gravestones. Apparently, he finds a stone with a “hot” name and rubs his head on it….and not the one between his shoulders. Hester shows up because, apparently, she finds dead bodies arousing as well and Chad tells her that he has a total chub. This guy is smoother than my boy Travis on Fear the Walking Dead! Hester wants to hatch a plan to get rid of Zayday. Chad wants to bone in the graveyard (pun definitely intended) but Hester says it’s not scary enough in the graveyard. I smell a new power couple brewing.
This week in film class, Wes is showing Children of the Corn. He asks the class what is scarier for an adult than a child coming to kill them. Wes uses the analogy that the movie portrays the inner child you want to forget but at the end of the day it is that inner child who has all the power. Did I mention I like this character? We need a scene of this every week with an interpretation of a horror classic. Grace frantically confronts Dad after class, asking if she is the bathtub baby. He asks her if she is on bath salts (again, I LOL’d) and then tells her no way, he saw her come out of her mom.
Pete and Grace go to the haunted house to do some more sleuthing due to a story Mandy told them about a “woman in black.” They are surprised by Zayday and Earl who are there scoping out the place for their Halloween party. Denise pops in and tells everyone the house is haunted. Pete and Denise simultaneously spout the same story word for word; they were both in different libraries reading the same story last night. They continue the story in a back and forth manner. Denise goes onto chastise Zayday that a haunted house is a buffet for murderers. Zayday goes back at her and says maybe she is the killer because she did some snooping herself. She found out Denise did not get into Kappa because of her skin color and is seeking revenge. Denise taken aback gives Zayday credit and tells her that was some good sleuthing. Zayday than tells her it’s really going to chap her hyde when she becomes president of Kappa.
The Chanels are out handing flyers out to their own party, trying to sway students away from Zayday’s party because “Reds” is going to kill at the party. They sit down to a lunch of cotton balls dipped in sauce for flavoring and to help them swallow it. How else do you think they stay so skinny? They decide to go for pizza after saying boys aren’t worth the trouble. Just then a gentleman walks in and asks which one of them wants to be “Tommy’s costume.” We find out from Tommy that his costume is “dude having awesome sex with you” (lame, but I did LOL again). He then told the girls they should be grateful, after all, he’s the one making them look hot by forcing them to starve themselves. Another student chimes in and the Chanels don’t take kindly to it. Hester shows her signature move…a kick to the balls…and the girls pummel the boys.
Chad and Hester meet up at the haunted house which is decorated pretty impressively with bones and candles. Chad follows Hester through the house and they come to a bedroom. In a scene stolen from the original Halloween, Miss Bean was laid out on the bed with a gravestone placed above her head. Hester suggests “doing it” on top of the Miss Bean wax replica. She proceeds to touch the leg and her finger goes right through and green goo oozes out. She screams as she realizes it really is Miss Bean’s body. In Friday the 13th fashion, bodies start falling out everywhere and everywhere they run they find another body. Hester and Chad run frantically into the café and warn the students not to go to the haunted house party because of the dead bodies but all this did was elicit excitement for the party and all the students are on their way to the house.
We get to the party where everyone is loving the décor. They think the bodies are fake. Zayday calls the police and the cop on the phone says he will be there as soon as he gets off. He can’t wait to party. ROCK ON! “Red”s pops up while Zayday is on the phone and takes her.
After the party calamity, the police are with Dean Munch and Wes. Dean isn’t worried about the dead bodies because none were students. Wes corrects her revealing some of them actually were. A search party is being put together to find Zayday but Chanel and the Chanels are not going because she is running against her. Grace and Pete compare notes on the woman in black. Grace states she found out that the woman in black was stealing milk and diapers. Was she raising the bathtub baby? At the end we cut to a scene in the haunted house doll room. A woman in black is sitting in a rocking chair as the camera closes in we see the woman’s face. It is Gigi! Stay tuned.
“Haunted House” was directed by Bradley Buecker and written by Brad Falchuk both of Glee and American Horror Story fame…surprise, surprise. I actually kinda, sorta enjoyed the episode. As I stated I did LOL on occasion. The haunted house shots were fairly awesome and I did enjoy the homages (or rip offs, depending how you look at it) of both Halloween and Friday the 13th. Scream Queens in all its wonderful goofiness does have potential. I just hope they don’t Glee it up!
Scream Queens “Haunted House” 
(3.5 / 5) on the Thug Meter
